Self Improvement

Foundation of Communication

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The Foundation of Communication

Is there someone you always seem to disagree with? You could be right. And we all love to believe we are right…right? But often we are wrong, and it takes a very mature, confident and wise person to admit when they are wrong. But usually it’s not about who is right and who is wrong. It’s about the truth coming into our lives to provide clarity, lead us toward success, bring happiness, and to benefit those we love.

 

If you are only concerned with being the one who is always correct in their understanding, you will never be considered a wise person. It is towards the goal of being and remaining wise people that I have included the following information that I gleaned from professionals in various fields: Psychologists, Sociologists, Ministers of Christ, best selling Authors, Scholars and Great orators. What I present here may sound too rudimentary and basic, because it is foundational to good communications skills. And yet, the majority of our populace appears to be ignorant of these simple facts.

 

Some of my most profitable friendships have been cultivated from what began as disagreements. Often, after truly listening to, and understanding a person I had formerly disagreed with, I had to say, “I was wrong and you were right.” Wow! The respect those simple words garner is amazing. People respect you and trust you a whole lot more if they have heard you say those words. When we can acknowledge the times we are wrong, people will realize we are genuine—the real deal. I have made lifelong friends who now serve as wise counselors for me, and me for them, simply by humbling ourselves enough to improve our communication skills and begin to really hear, listen and comprehend, and even experience the feelings of the other guy.

When being good listeners we employ everything at our disposal: Eyes, ears, minds, and also our hearts.

We must learn to respectfully ask questions. Ask for clarification! Don’t simply guess what they meant by what they said, ask them. We could simply ask, “What do you mean by that?” This leads both parties to clear communication. The very same people I formerly disagreed with have now come to me for advice and for counselling. Whereas before, we seemed to always be at loggerheads.

But first I had to learn how to keep my flapper shut long enough to allow the discernment that God’s Spirit offers, to lead me. You don’t have to answer right away! Sometimes you might want to wait until the next day to answer. Many things require no answer, no rebuttal, and no response at all.

 

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.” –Doug Larson

 

Whatever your occupation, you will become much more successful when you improve your communication skills. But we will never be good communicators until we learn how to listen and decipher what a person is really saying. All too often we only think we understand what is being spoken. One reason for this is that our minds tend to jump forward to what we believe they are saying, or are going to say, based on the first several words or the first few sentences. Multitudes of people either stop listening and/or interrupt the speaker before they’ve had a chance to lay a foundation for what they hope to relate. But the crux of what a person wants to communicate comes towards the END of their discourse—ALWAYS!

Usually people will automatically believe they disagree with what is said by certain people, because they have never really listened to them in the past. Instead of hearing the entire message and then mulling it over, they are forming a rebuttal while the speaker is still talking. They are convinced that the person is disagreeing with them. This reveals just how insecure they are with themselves. People fear being wrong, and they fear looking bad. Some folks are so insecure that they are shattered and feel devastated just because another person might know something they did not yet know, or the other guy had a better idea. Sadly, what people do in an attempt to avoid looking bad, actually has the opposite effect.

One of the ugliest blights upon the earth are people too arrogant to consider an idea that originated outside themselves. To the mature soul, memories of youthful arrogance are a source of stinging embarrassment.

 

I still love the following ancient little rhyme.

“A wise old owl sat in an oak. The more he saw the less he spoke. The less he spoke the more he heard. Now wasn’t that a wise old bird?”

 

Listening well is the first step in becoming a great communicator. It will help us not only in conversation, but it is also the cornerstone of learning to become a great public speaker. Listen and ask for clarification, understand, craft your answer well and then speak. It’s a simple formula that’s been around since before Plato and Socrates, and both of them knew and used this formula as they spoke to huge crowds, as well as in their writings.

 

“Everything in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening.” –Jeanette Winterson

Listening is done with more than just the ears, also employed are the eyes and especially the mind. In fact, good listening is actually PERCEPTION.

“If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk.” –Robert Baden-Powell

 

Notice how the way we feel towards a particular person or how we feel about any particular subject always throws a rusty wrench into the cogs of communicating. Our feelings should never enter into the equation of practicing good communication skills. Our feelings, if allowed, will stymie our understanding every time. If you’ve done much study of human behavior, you know how strong emotion and reason do not play well together. When communicating we want to allow intellect to rule over emotion. Powerful feelings can block a person’s access to higher reasoning and intellect which takes place in the frontal cortex of human brains.

 

“Never allow emotion to hijack what could have been a highly profitable conversation.”–SB

 

Good communication skills are a monolithic topic and there is much we could discuss. But these basics are an essential beginning point. Without them we would be dumber than a bucket full of hollow rocks. We would miss out on many blessings, friendships, and lose access to wisdom we could have made our own. That’s why it is my prayer that this little post will inspire folks to do some research, study, and learn how to become better listeners than we already are.

By the way, Jesus never has to worry about misunderstanding what another person says. He sees directly into every heart and He knows our motives and our every thought.

 

“Even before I have formed a word with my tongue, you, LORD, know it completely!” Psalm 139:4 

 

Blessings

 

Categories: Christian Living, Leadership, People, Self Improvement, Success, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

No Toxins Please

At present I am dealing with unexpected difficulties which preclude my studies. My wife is currently in the hospital with a deadly infection and your prayers for her are appreciated. We will continue with the Origin of the Bible series, but for the moment that’s on hold. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Meanwhile, I am posting another piece from my old files, though I had hoped to include more information… Perhaps this will suffice for now.

Detoxification 

Do you ever have sluggish days when you’re tired and feel like you have no energy?  Perhaps you suffer from dry skin? Maybe you swell up and retain fluids? These can serve as warning signs that our blood is full of toxins and/or that we are lacking certain vitamins and other essential nutrients.

Living in the 21st century our bodies will naturally pick up quite a few unnatural substances called “toxins.” This is especially so for those who do not take care to know what is in the foods (or nonfoods) they eat. These toxins weaken our body’s defense system against; diseases, viruses and infections, etc, and they put undue strain on our internal organs. Many of these toxins are carcinogenic. In short, they can really wreak havoc with our health.

That’s why it’s a good idea to detoxify our bodies regularly, using the formula’s God has made available to us throughout the earth’s highly complex biosphere. Here’s some that are easy to obtain.

 

  • Dandelion
  • Red Clover
  • Stinging Nettle
  • Burdock Root
  • Cilantro
  • Ground Ivy
  • Milk Thistle
  • Neem

 

Utilizing natural cleansing agents to aid your liver and kidneys in doing their jobs is a great idea. We know that these two organs filter and clean our blood. When these organs fail, such as suffering impaired renal function for example, we could have helped lift the burden off of these vital organs. Here’s some things that can assist us in doing that very thing. First we’ll list some foods.

 

  • Helpful fruits: lemon, grapes, oranges, grapefruit, pineapple, blueberries, kiwi, strawberries, etc…
  • Vegetables that detoxify our blood: garlic, onion, carrot, celery, parsley, alfalfa sprouts, soy, etc…

 

Here’s a few plants which I highly recommend that can be made into detoxing teas.

Aloe—Burdock Root—Hyssop—Ginko Biloba—Elderflower

 

While the health of the physical body remains vital, it is the mind and the heart which requires detoxification most often. These are the parts God looks at. Jesus often pinpoints the heart as the area where sin takes up residence. And He indicates the heart is the most important aspect of our being. It determines who we are and what we are like and represents the core of our being.

God’s word reveals the sinfulness of every human heart. Through the irises of faith, the bible acts as a cleansing tonic, washing away our fallacious thinking while renewing our minds. It leads us to the cure for every spiritual ailment.

The best habit a soul can develop is to meet with the Lord every morning for prayer and bible reading. As we confess our sins of the previous days, our consciences are cleansed, and God forgives us through faith in Jesus—this cleanses our entire being.

Yes, life on planet earth really contaminates us with everything that is toxic to our bodies and spirits. All sorts of dirt crowds into the hothouses of our steamy little minds, and that’s unhealthy. Let’s get cleaned up for the day. God Bless You!

 

 

 

 

Categories: Christian Living, Faith, Self Improvement, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Simple Steps For Successful New Year Resolutions

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It’s that time of year again when we think about the changes we’d like to make in the New Year to come. What does 2017 hold in store for you? For the most part, that’s up to you.

While setbacks, difficulties and life storms are inevitable, the one thing we can do in making better lives for ourselves is to improve who and what we are. After all that’s what most New Year resolutions focus upon. Traditionally, some of the most popular resolutions over the past two decades have included things such as: weight loss, getting in better physical condition, or improving our financial situation.

For 2017 I have 6 resolutions which all flow from the same word:

CULTIVATE

I hope to cultivate more knowledge within myself.

I hope to cultivate new lasting & mutually beneficial relationships.

I want to cultivate new muscle growth in my body.

I hope to cultivate the seeds of faith in others.

I hope to cultivate a love for healthy lifestyles in all my friends and in everyone I meet.

I want to cultivate a closer relationship with the Lord than ever before.

 

Here are Nielsen’s stats from 2015 in % of persons polled & their resolutions.

Stay fit and healthy 37%
Lose weight 32%
Enjoy life to the fullest 28%
Spend less, save more 25%
Spend more time with family and friends 19%
Get organized 18%
Will not make any resolutions 16%
Learn something new/new hobby 14%
Travel more 14%
Read more 12%
 

It appears that as a populous we’re already aware of several things that can improve our quality of life. And yet, every one of these resolutions needs a good plan on how to go about making it happen. Let’s dig into our brains for a bit and see if we can delineate the steps we will need to take in order to implement a positive change. So let’s just look at the first popular resolution listed, and then we can apply the same principles to any New Year Resolution.

There are many questions we can ask ourselves to give us the best chance of succeeding. The first is rather obvious: Why do I want this change? Deciding why will help us to envision the answer to our second question: If this improvement comes to pass, what is it going to look like? (Envision it) And a good question for number three is: How will it affect others? Or, can this benefit other people as well as myself?

Don’t forget, if we are going to be successful we need to set some goals, and in doing so we remember all the things that did not work in the past. Then we brainstorm to come up with new and innovative methods that will work for us as individuals, taking into account how well we know ourselves, our proclivities and our idiosyncrasies.

For instance, in 2017 as I do my best to get into better physical condition, past experience has taught me that I will be more successful if I have a partner to constantly challenge me and keep me doing more. That’s something I need, and so I’ve set to work searching for someone else with the same resolution to partner with. Finding the right person is a smaller goal to help me reach my bigger goal of becoming more fit than ever before. Another thing I’ve learned is to set a time each day when I will do my exercises and stick as closely as I can to that schedule. That’s another small step or goal towards the big one.

Using our example let’s look at some other questions to give us ideas on the types of questions you may want to ask yourself concerning whatever your resolution happens to be.

How will my diet change? Do I have a plan for that?

How can I educate myself with the nutritional knowledge I don’t yet have?

Have I been maintaining a good circadian rhythm in my wake/sleep cycles? Past experience has taught me the profound role that sleep patterns have upon overall health, appetite, energy levels and metabolism.

Yes, you already know what needs to be done in order to bring your resolution to successful perpetuation. Only now, you’ve begun to think about the things that are important if you are to actually make it happen.

TIP: Draw out a goal map.

All the Best to You & God Bless You in 2017!

 

Categories: Christian Living, Self Improvement, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

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